When What you do for Work, Hits too Close to Home

By day I own a law firm and practice family law including divorce, paternity, child custody, child visitation, support, property division, adoptions, prenuptial agreements, conservatorships, guardianship, estate planning and juvenile dependency (CPS cases.). I take pride in my ability to compartmentalize my day job from my home life. I also work exceedingly hard to ensure that I do not take home the stressors from the job to my own home and marriage. This hasn’t always been the case though and I am not in the business of creating a false narrative. For many years I struggled with taking my work home with me because I had not put in place boundaries and systems to protect my own personal peace, so if you still struggle in this realm just know that this is normal but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I will be doing a different blog on this issue and what I did to build the strategies, procedures and daily routines to protect my peace and create balance between work and life, but this blog’s purpose is to discuss how to combat a different kind of stress and trauma, when your personal life collides differently with your professional world.

I am cognizant that this specific issue will not directly correlate with everyone’s individual job descriptions, but I do believe the overall gist will apply to anyone with a specialized skill, craft or profession that people seek out for advice, counsel, services or products. So, if you fit this description or have ever shared the feelings, I am going to discuss below I hope this insight helps even if in a small way.

This day in age everything is so expensive, and everyone is always trying to figure out how to save a dollar here and there. If you hone a skill or product or service that is regularly sought after you will find yourself at the mercy of your friends, family and even acquaintances trying to get something for free, advice, counsel, research, products and the like. And I’m not necessarily saying that every time this occurs that it is a bad thing but what I am saying is that you need to create a process to help decipher when to fulfill their request and when to know your worth and require your friends, family and acquaintances to pay for your time, experience and professionalism. Equally as important is knowing when to get involved with friends, family and acquaintances in the first place and when it is better for both parties for you to refer them out.

This life equation can be hard to solve and even harder to manage in real life. It is extremely easy to talk about things in the theoretical sense, but not that easy to navigate in real life. Feelings of obligation, guilt and love can cloud your mind and thus your decisions in this realm so that is why you need to plan for it early and well before needing to employ it. First and foremost, you must recognize and protect and celebrate your own professional worth. It does not matter whether your skill, craft, product or service is your main profession or simply a hobby, your worth is the same. If people are seeking you out and needing something from you, that has worth, and it is time that you recognize it and start believing in yourself in the correct fashion.

The second step is evaluating your own situation and where you are within your business, professional or hobby journey. There are times when doing something for free or offering a deep discount can serve you more than trying to charge full price. Building this step into the equation is important because for each request you need to ask yourself, is there anything in this arrangement that brings me joy, gets my name out in the community, can turn into income down the road or benefit you in some sort of personal way. And, if there is then doing your friend, family member or acquaintance a favor makes sense, but if the answer ultimately is no, then you need to decline their request.

The last step you need to consider as well is whether it is a good idea in the first place to do the favor requested. Will it put your behind in other work? Will it cause you unnecessary stress? Will it put you in between two loved ones? Will it cause you emotional distress? Will it cause you to look at that person differently thereafter and thus could ruin the relationship? If any of those questions can be answered in the affirmative, you shouldn’t get involved because in the grand scheme of things it is not worth it for you. And, this is the most important thing, it might serve them amazingly but if it is going to be detrimental to you then you must immediately politely decline.

I won’t sit here and tell you that these situations are not extremely difficult to navigate, but they are so critical to growing your business and skills and protecting your peace. Remember your worth, give back to those deserving, remember those who have helped you along the way, give to those who can advance your position and decline any request that is more detrimental to you than any value you could hone from the transaction. At the end of the day, everyone else is self-centered and self-serving so you too are allowed to behave in this manner. If you are committed to leveling up and improving yourself the decision is easy to make especially if you create systems, rules and procedures and stick with them. That way you can always fall back on knowing that you are not given special treatment to anyone, because if the equation says yes, you do it and if the equation says no, then you don’t. You create a protective shield when you know that your emotions aren’t dictating your life but rather calculated decisions. And from personal experience I can say I have been taken advantage of on more than one occasion, but it has happened less since I started employing my life equation when deciding to approve their request. I have felt such relief knowing I give each request equal credence, but I give myself the most concern. At the end of the day if what you do for “work” hit too close to home and you are faced with these decision, pick yourself first, others would, so you should too.